Yaya's Journal: 'the war is over'

I feel like I could vomit all over the page...I'll try to spare you but keep that in mind.
I heard a powerful song on Sunday at church, a few of the lyrics resonated with me. 'the war is over, I raise my white flag'. I so needed to hear that line. It hit me like a ton of bricks, the war is over!!! I don't need to fight anymore! Jesus took his cross up for me. Nothing else matters!
My heart was so moved by this message. Praise God for the freedom He has given us.
Well, the devil definitely knows how to steal one's joy. Today I am defeated! Defeated on so many levels. The minute I think I have a grasp on something, such as the freedom I have in Christ, I can start to feel like life is nothing but an uphill battle.
Am I the only one who goes through this??
I have a confession...I am so insecure when it comes to relationships. 'the war is over, I raise up my white flag' gave me a perfect image when it comes to my insecurity...I don't need to wage war over any relationship! I'm not speaking of my relationship with my husband, he and I have our share of issues, but I am confident and secure in it.
I am insecure in who's talking about me, why she doesn't call me back, why they don't ever invite me over (a little dramatic but exactly how it plays out in my head), why she doesn't want to be my friend....and so on and so on.
So, Sunday my heart and my mind aligned with the words that I was signing with such emotion and I thought later "OK, I got this, I don't have to have an internal or external war against any relationship"...I got this.
Today...I don't got this!! Why is it so hard? Why do I feel the need to want/make everyone like me, appreciate me, respect me? Why do I care so much? Why does it keep me up at night and wreak havoc on my stress levels?
I wish I could really grasp the freedom I have in Christ, I know that's my answer. He doesn't want me battling over relationships, He wants me focused on Him.
OK, I'm committing to try again tomorrow. Tomorrow I will focus on Christ, the One who has a plan for me and so eagerly awaits my recognition (thanks Pastor Dave) of that plan.

And, of course, here are some photos to keep you coming back...