Baby boy

I'm getting to the exhausted stage of this pregnancy. You know what I'm talking about...I take naps when I can, I don't sleep at night, I'm never physically comfortable and I can't "go to the bathroom" to save my life. I love my babies but with each pregnancy I become more and more over the dreaminess of it all. I do have a lot to get done before his arrival, such as move a crib into our closet. Yes, you heard me right. Baby boy Moser will spend the first year or so in our closet. In our defense, our closet is quite large. It was actually a bedroom that the previous owners turned into a walk in closet. I think Dave's going to miss it more than I am, he loves all the space he has to get dressed. We also need to start stocking up on boy clothes and diapers. I thought it might be a good idea to start buying diapers here and there that way it won't be so bad (financially) once he gets here.

I've also come up with a pretty great idea for his name. I will be debuting it to Dave and the girls as soon as I get the crafting part of it done, but I think I may wait to tell the rest of the family until his arrival. Have you done that? Waiting until the baby's birth to share his/her name? We've never. I had the girls names lined up fairly early in my pregnancy so this will be interesting. Think I can hold out??

I had my last 4-week appointment yesterday, I am measuring a week ahead so that kind of excites me. That would give him a due date of 4/14. Now we start to see the dr every two weeks. This should make me happy because this means the end is in sight but, when I go to the office it's usually a 2 hour ordeal. So, babysitters be prepared for a phone call to watch Katie during these times :)

Wouldn't trade these two for all the ice cream they had at Friendly's!

Playing with Zadie's cat Ben, Katie wanted to pet him so bad but was too scared

Cheers!

Freedom

It's probably been within the last year or so that I've given up on IT...that dreaded "P" word that most women hate...perfection.
I think it first started to be noticeable in my cleaning. When Sarah was an only child, I used to wake up and hop out of bed just to get started on my cleaning...I know, fun right?! Now, I clean when I can. I let Katie roam the house with crackers in hand which lends to crumbs on the floor. I just don't find it that important anymore.

Another area I've noticed since we've purchased our home is in my decorating. It doesn't have to be "perfect" for me to hang it on the wall, arrange it in that corner, or paint it that color. I have found freedom from reading so many blogs about crafting and creating your own kind of beauty (you may see a canvas with a similar quote in my bathroom in the coming months). Blogs like hers, which inspires me to decorate without having to have my house look like a Pottery Barn catalog. I love my new found sense of style and freedom.

And probably one of the biggest areas for me that I'm letting go of the perfection is in my hair. I cut my hair super short over a year ago, the shortest I've ever worn it, and I loved it. I loved that it didn't take long to style. I loved that it could be "messy" but look like that's how I wanted it. Well, I've been growing it out since about October. I know growing your hair out can be like dying a slow death. Yesterday it dawned on me that I don't want to grow my hair out, not because of how painful the process has been, but because my new style is forcing me to maintain perfection with each strand. I was thinking how down the road, in a few months, I'll be spending more time in front of the mirror making sure my part is correct, the hair is curled under just so, and the back is not looking like a hot mess. So, today I am calling "my girl" and asking her to chop it all off again. Again, I love the sense of freedom I have in my short hair. IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE PERFECT. Dave may not be too thrilled about the idea but I have to think of myself in this situation...could result in a lower dose of Zoloft :)

Here's a shot of my kitchen wall. Random? Yes! Perfect? To me, Yes! Each piece up there has had a personal touch added to it except the white clock that has the glare on it. Sarah made that watercolor picture in the frame when she was 3. I am still impressed with how beautiful it is. I made the "You are my sunshine" canvas while I was pregnant with Katie, thinking it would go in the girls room but I have become attached to it. The 5 was decorated in some bling to represent our soon-to-be family of 5. And the "M" is for Moser, the personal touch is the hot glue job I had to do after one of the legs broke off. 

Hope this will inspire some anti-perfection change in your life.

Cheers!

Goals...do you have any?

Good Morning! I'm hoping today's blog post will motivate me to continue posting daily or something close to it. I'm always eager to share my thoughts and fun photos but by day's end I'm fried. So I guess we'll see where things go...
A few weeks ago I wrote our 2013 goals out on our cool chalkboard we have in our kitchen :) Here's what it looks like for us in 2013 and maybe you'll share yours with me.
1. Read the Bible--I've been reading a one year bible to help me get through reading the entire bible. The book is quite huge but I'm taking it one day at a time. It's actually exciting to me this time around to tackle this goal, I'm eager to learn from God's word, not just do it because "it's the right thing to do".
2. Focus on our 5--I noticed late last year that I need to spend more of my energy/thoughts/time on our family. Currently there's four of us in the Moser household but soon we'll have 5 (3 more months to be exact). I've already started working on this goal by staying at home during the day more with Katie so we have time to play rather than running around doing fifty errands every day. I also find myself thinking of what I can do today for Sarah and/or Dave, even when that means buying her favorite ice cream or making his favorite dessert.
3. Make more art--This was actually Sarah's goal but I totally want it to be one of mine too. I think she's getting to the age where she needs more than just going into the playroom and playing with babies. We've made a few purchases for some crafty things and started working on them.
4. Give back--This may be my most favorite goal! We were so blessed last year that I can't imagine not giving back in some way. I read the other day that a gift is no longer a gift if it's not being given. I look forward to blessing people with food, money, sweets, conversation and friendship.

And there you have it, our 2013 goals. I can't wait to see how the year unfolds.

I discovered this recipe from Ms. Paula Deen for cinnamon rolls and they are AMAZING! No, lie! You have to try them.

During one of my sleepless nights I had the thought to make Sarah's birthday invitations edible. So, I made some sugar cookies, frosted the details onto them and Sarah hand delivered them. It was so much fun, just hoping everyone wrote down the date/time before they ate them :)

 Poor Katie bug. I had my dr visit on what turned out to be a very busy Friday afternoon. After 2 1/2 hours in the waiting room, Katie just had to lie down. Thank goodness Dave gets out at 3:00 and was able to pick her up.

My blinged-out #5. This kinda goes along with two of my goals. Sarah and I were able to get crafty with these awesome jewels from Hobby Lobby and I wanted a 5 to hang on our kitchen wall to represent our family. Score!

Miss Sarah has become quite the reader. I'm so proud of her, she doesn't give up when she comes to a tricky word and she keeps on going even when the page has "too many words" on it. Can't believe she's reading on her own!

And this is one of my faves! Sarah helped me in the kitchen the other night. Looking back on the photo I just can't get over how much personality she has and is finally allowing it to come out AND how old she looks. I love her, she's becoming one of my best friends.

Hope you'll keep coming back for more

Cheers!

The day after

Yesterday was full of pity parties. The guest of honor was me and the host was me.
It's funny how things happen at the time they do. I'm reading a book with some other fine ladies titled You're Already Amazing. Yesterday morning I read a few pages and the author talks about not having to do more to be liked by people. Well a few hours later those exact words were coming out of my mouth, in the opposite though! I had come to the conclusion that maybe I have not done enough to/for other people. It was a very lonely day!
I haven't figured much out since yesterday but today I'm feeling a little less pity party-ish. It could be because of another book that I'm reading titled One Thousand Gifts. I know I've mentioned it here before but seriously, if you haven't read it you really need to. In the chapter I read last night, the author talks about thanksgiving (not the holiday). One phrase stuck to me...thanksgiving raises the dead! If you read the story of Lazarus (John 11) you will see what she is referring to--Jesus gave thanks and Lazarus rose from the dead.
How can I feel so alone and want to hide under the covers when I am able to experience Jesus just by giving thanks?! I'm making my way through this "gifts" book for the second time, after I plan to write my own list of thanks, hoping to catch glimpses of God and honor Him at the same time.

By the way, Sarah and Katie will have a little brother to pick on in a few months. We're all so excited!

Katie Rose and I spent the day outside!

Waiting

As I was waiting for the oven timer to countdown it dawned on me that the waiting was representative of so many areas in my life right now...

I'm waiting to go to the doctor next Wednesday so I can hear this baby's heartbeat again, the waiting is making me paranoid

I'm waiting for the crock pot to cook our dinner for tonight

I'm waiting to hear from our loan officer in regards to our closing date

I'm waiting to find out when we're closing so I can plan Katie's 1st birthday party

I'm waiting to get the motivation and inspiration to do something crafty

I'm waiting for Katie's sinus infection to clear up

I'm waiting for the granola bars that I made to harden so I can eat one

I'm waiting for my husband to take me on a date

I'm waiting for the buyer of our truck to meet me next week so we can unload that gas hog

I get a little overwhelmed by all of this waiting. Of course I want things to happen sooner than later. But, is there blessing in waiting? During this time I rely on God to comfort me and walk me through all of the waiting process. If I get stuck in the waiting I'll miss the things that are already happening...while I wait I will be present.

What are you waiting for today? 

B.F.

Before Facebook--that's what my life will be like from now on. I did it! I have deactivated my Facebook account! I've been wanting to let go of the account for quite some time now and today was the day. I'll miss looking at friends pictures and keep in touch with family but it was time.
I hope you keep coming back to check out this blog. I also have email and....a phone. So, shoot me a message or give me a call.

'the war is over'

I feel like I could vomit all over the page...I'll try to spare you but keep that in mind.
I heard a powerful song on Sunday at church, a few of the lyrics resonated with me. 'the war is over, I raise my white flag'. I so needed to hear that line. It hit me like a ton of bricks, the war is over!!! I don't need to fight anymore! Jesus took his cross up for me. Nothing else matters!
My heart was so moved by this message. Praise God for the freedom He has given us.
Well, the devil definitely knows how to steal one's joy. Today I am defeated! Defeated on so many levels. The minute I think I have a grasp on something, such as the freedom I have in Christ, I can start to feel like life is nothing but an uphill battle.
Am I the only one who goes through this??
I have a confession...I am so insecure when it comes to relationships. 'the war is over, I raise up my white flag' gave me a perfect image when it comes to my insecurity...I don't need to wage war over any relationship! I'm not speaking of my relationship with my husband, he and I have our share of issues, but I am confident and secure in it.
I am insecure in who's talking about me, why she doesn't call me back, why they don't ever invite me over (a little dramatic but exactly how it plays out in my head), why she doesn't want to be my friend....and so on and so on.
So, Sunday my heart and my mind aligned with the words that I was signing with such emotion and I thought later "OK, I got this, I don't have to have an internal or external war against any relationship"...I got this.
Today...I don't got this!! Why is it so hard? Why do I feel the need to want/make everyone like me, appreciate me, respect me? Why do I care so much? Why does it keep me up at night and wreak havoc on my stress levels?
I wish I could really grasp the freedom I have in Christ, I know that's my answer. He doesn't want me battling over relationships, He wants me focused on Him.
OK, I'm committing to try again tomorrow. Tomorrow I will focus on Christ, the One who has a plan for me and so eagerly awaits my recognition (thanks Pastor Dave) of that plan.

And, of course, here are some photos to keep you coming back...

Did I mention we're selling our truck. Buy it and I'll be your best friend (haha, get it?!?)

Some sister fun in the Jacuzzi at Julia's

Daddy and Katie taking a midnight dip (really, 8:30)

How cute is this shot? Sarah and her cousin Landon watching the YCS football game, they even made it on the news

YCS looking pretty good, beating Springfield 40-3!!

Oh, and this monster. I took this shot while she was eating cheese, drinking water, and growling at her grandma...yes, I said growling!

Parenting, or something like it

I'm tired! A couple of my reoccurring thoughts over the past few weeks...I never sit for longer than five minutes while my kids are awake & Dave and I have been parenting via the "divide and conquer" method.

This morning while I drank coffee and opened a book, I was interrupted to make breakfast. While I'm typing this post, my oldest will not stop talking to me. I often wonder if I'll be able to sit still once my kids are grown and moved out, not sure if I'll know what to do with myself...actually, I think I'll know what to do but I'll be in shock and probably start interrupting myself! Don't get me wrong, I couldn't wait to be a mom and it is such a wonderful blessing but I'm tired. The other day a friend whom I haven't seen since my youth asked if I was just a stay-at-home mom. JUST...yes, I'm JUST a stay-at-home mom :) It is some crazy work; crazy, busy, emotional, exhausting work!

Dave and I have been together for 15+ years, married for 10 next week. We have always done everything together; grocery shopping, watching TV, cooking, reading...all of our activities were done as a couple. When we had Sarah things didn't really change much. We were still able to do things together as a family of three, Sarah just came along with us. It's a whole new world now that we have two kids. Dave goes to the store with Sarah while I stay home and feed the baby, I take Sarah to gymnastics while Dave stays home to put Katie to bed...it's all about divide and conquer! It's inevitable, life changes. I think your attitude determines how smoothly the change will happen. We have two kids now so I have to accept the fact that we can't do like we used to do.

So, what makes you tired and what kind of changes have you seen happen right before your eyes? Maybe you're tired of all the changes, maybe you need a change so you're not so tired anymore (see what I did there). Let me know, I'd love to hear what you have to share.

I got a new tattoo...Greek for "Beloved"...I love the truth that I am His beloved

Instagram is an amazing app and she is an amazing kid

I had fun crafting with mason jars, chalkboard paint, mod podge and glitter

Backyard fun! Sarah and I planned a get together with some great moms and their kids

What I know

I know...
that I'm a child of Christ
Jesus died on the cross for me
that I have two beautiful daughters
that I have a husband who loves me
that I am a lovable person
I have good intentions
I love being a SAHM
the goals I have set will be reached
I want to volunteer more
I am beautiful
I have paid the price for being materialistic
I am becoming more and more comfortable in my own skin
I want to have more close girlfriends
I am creative
the bible is my Truth
I am weak but He is strong

And, I know my daughter is slightly hilarious at 6 months old, this is how I found her one night when I went in to check on her...

A daughter's love

It happened last May. I was four months pregnant. I called my mom while sitting in a dark room, the topic of conversation was that we needed a break.

Growing up, my mom and I had a tumultuous relationship. When I reached adulthood, married and moved to North Carolina, I'd say I didn't like her very much. We talked often and she visited once a month. Our phone relationship was good but when she'd visit I would be stressed. My family moved back to Ohio and we were again close in proximity. Our superficial relationship continued for the next three years.

Telling my mom that we needed a break (yes, I actually used those words) was one of the hardest things I've ever had to say. God gave me the courage and strength and I knew this was something our relationship needed. I wasn't sure how long of a break we needed. Mom would call and talk to Sarah, she didn't want to lose any part of that relationship and I agreed. I probably spoke to her once a week, very light and casual, telling her how I was feeling (physically) and how the pregnancy was going.

I was in labor with Katie and my mom was driving in from Columbus (she moved there in 2010), she had worked that day and was getting to Youngstown as fast as she could. She arrived at the hospital while I was pushing, just in time to see Katie enter the world, even though Dave was the only one suppose to be in the room with me :)

We had a few "real" conversations during our break but nothing which led to healing or change. Until I gave birth to my second daughter. Something about being a mom, naturally draws you closer to your own mother. It may sound cliche, but it's so true! I asked my mom to stay with me that night in the hospital. It was an automatic, divine connection to her and we haven't been the same since.

Looking back, becoming a mom for the second time definitely helped me to appreciate and need my mother more. Even more, I believe our relationship is changing because I was able to be honest with her. I was honest with her in needing a break and setting boundaries until we were able to relate to each other in a healthy way. God gave us a renewed mother/daughter relationship.

I talk to my mom every day now. We share things with each other that we never did before. We have both made changes in ourselves which allows us to be comfortable with one another. I am so proud of her and so in love with her as my mother.

My mom was recently diagnosed with cancer. She goes in for surgery this Thursday. Because we became close and strong before her diagnosis, I can now be there for her because I want to be. God's timing is awesome!!

That ugly "F" word

Failure...it's probably the worst "F" word you could say to me.  I was forced to face it today.  It sounds pretty trivial when I say it outloud, but my failure today sent me into a stressed-out slump.
I've been gearing up to bake cupcakes, from scratch, for about 2 weeks now.  I received a fancy cupcake book and thought I'd give it a shot.  Yesterday I went to the grocery store and bought the ingredients that I needed...I was able to do this only because I had a sitter to watch my anti-grocery shopping baby!
So, when Sarah was at school and Katie was sleeping I got my book out and started at it.  The cupcakes were pretty easy and not too time consuming.  The frosting on the other hand was a different story!  I literally spent 2 hours in the kitchen mixing three different batches of the same frosting recipe.  For all you bakers out there...the first batch didn't peak properly, the second tasted like I was eating a stick of butter and the third turned to soup when I added a carmel sauce that I also made from scratch.
I gave up when it was time for dinner.  I was overwhelmed with this frustrated feeling that I couldn't shake.  I knew I shouldn't be so upset that the frosting didn't turn out...it was only cupcakes!  After staying in this slump for about an hour I realized it was more than the frosting not being perfect (edible at that), it was about me failing.  Ugh, what an ugly truth.
I don't have any inspirational, motivational mumbo-jumbo to share after discovering this; but I do have an appreciation for learning something about myself...ugly and all.
Isn't it amazing what baking can teach us!

50mg

The baby started screaming the evening we came home from the hospital.  We had never experienced anything like it.  We played a guessing game everyday of 'what could be wrong with Katie?'.Dave was able to take three weeks off, which temporarily saved my sanity.  During those first three weeks we were able to switch back and forth with who got to hold the baby, because God forbid we lay her down.  There were not too many day time naps, and the nights were awful.  Katie would literally scream for hours at night, sometimes from 6-11pm...solid, non-stop screaming.  Nothing worked to calm this baby.  Eating, swinging, walking, changing diaper...nothing worked.
We went to the doctor three times in two weeks and I called every day in between visits.  First we were given drops for colic...no change at all.  Then, we were given Zantac and Lactalose...diagnosis of reflux and constipation.  Oh the joys of parenthood!
The medicines seemed to be helping but there was still screaming, a lot of ear piercing screaming.  Then the day came when Dave had to go back to work.  Seriously, you're leaving me?!
I felt like a prisoner in my home, specifically to my bedroom.  I would spend so much time pacing my room trying to get Katie to sleep, and to stop crying.
Did I mention I also have a four year old who needs attention too?  Talk about my mom guilt being at it's highest.  There were so many hours I spent trying to comfort the baby while shooing Sarah out of the room so she wouldn't see me crying out of frustration.
Thank God for my family who would take Sarah out for the day, or even better, a sleepover.
After receiving advice from a friend I switched Katie to soy formula.  Again, my guilt was at an all time high.  I breastfed Sarah for four months, it had only been a month for Katie.  How unfair, right?
The soy formula made a difference almost immediately.  I can't believe we hadn't thought of it sooner.  Sarah was allergic to my milk when she was an infant, that's why I switched her to formula.  I guess my brain quit working from all the crying!
At six weeks old, Katie was starting to make a turn for the better.  Don't get me wrong, there was still that ear piercing screaming, but it seemed the formula was helping.
Around this time you might think I was doing back flips.  Instead, I was still crying.  It had become a daily thing for me.  I would cry when I had to pace with Katie, I would cry when I couldn't play with Sarah, I would cry when Katie would cry for three hours in the evening.  I just cried!
One night Dave had seen enough.  He texted my mom and asked for her to call me.  He needed someone to calm me down and give me some comfort.
Through my tears, my mom was giving me the advice to call my doctor and ask him for medication.  The people who love me most could see me struggling and knew I needed help.  I wasn't thrilled about the idea, I had never been on any kind of depression medication before.  I felt like it would be taking the easy way out, why couldn't I handle this baby on my own?
That night, Dave took care of Katie while I slept.  The next morning, I asked Dave to call the doctor for me.  I still felt a sense of pride and to me, calling the doctor was a sign of weakness.
I have been on 50mg of Zoloft for five weeks now.  I can't believe what a difference it has made.  The biggest thing I have noticed is my ability to remain calm during Katie's crying fits.  My guilt over sharing my attention between my two girls has subsided as well.  My doctor recommended staying on Zoloft for three months and then slowly cut back.
The emotions that come out after having a baby are no joke!  I encourage any woman experiencing similar struggles to call her doctor.  There is no shame in taking medication to get you through a rough time.  I know where I was; physically, mentally, and emotionally and I know I'm in a much better place now.

I'm Grateful

One week from today I will be thirty!!  I'm not dreading that number like some do, but this event does cause me to stop and think about my life.  So here goes...
30 Things I'm Grateful For:
1. My salvation, thank you Jesus for choosing me! 2. My health 3. My wonderful husband 4. Two amazing daughters 5. My family 6. A wonderful church (which provided atleast 2 weeks of meals after I had Katie!) 7. Girlfriends 8. My grandmother's house (which she has opened up to me and my family) 9. Advice from friends about soy formula 10. Being a stay-at-home mom 11. Living in Charlotte 12. Summit Academy 13. Happy Hour 14. Prayers sent up on my behalf 15. Babysitters
16. Football 17. Grace and forgiveness 18. Chick-fil-A Wednesdays 19. Datenights 20. His will 21. Quality time with people who love me 22. Honesty 23. Vacation time 24. Jesus' death on the cross 25. Birthdays 26. Sarah's personality 27. Playdates
28. Julia's Bed & Breakfast 29. Technology 30. The voice that reminds me to be grateful

Yes, some funny and trivial but look at this list, I am so blessed! Only 29 (for another week) and look at all that I have to be grateful of!